Professionals – doctors, nurses, college professors, religious leaders, nonprofit agency staff, agency counselors, and directors can be wonderful mentors. The best mentors are not usually well meaning neighbors or friends – it is better to find someone who has a professional background and lots of experience. Your company may contract with local and national resource and referral companies that can provide a wealth of information on services such as adult day care, assisted living, adult care homes, meal programs and much more. Your Area Agency on Aging can also provide these referrals.

Not everyone is comfortable with hands-on caregiving or is in close proximity to do it. But family members and friends may be able to help with financial needs, administration of insurances, legal issues, etc. Additionally, families can work together to share the decision-making when care needs change. Don’t leave your management and human resources consultant out of the loop. They can help when flexible work scheduling, family medical leave or other benefits are needed.

There are many sources from which you can gain knowledge: your company’s HR department, nonprofit human service agencies such as the local Area Agency on Aging, Alzheimer’s Assoc., senior centers, etc., for-profit companies, universities, libraries and the internet. Some agencies offer classes and conferences with daycare provided for the elderly so caregivers can attend. These services are often provided free of charge with advance notice. Make sure you inquire when calling on classes for these available services. Also get on agency mailing lists so you know when classes are coming up.

Use all of your resources to become an educated consumer and then ask questions, get second opinions, ask about specialists, and do the research until you feel comfortable that you’ve covered all of the bases. This is pertinent to health care, finances and legal concerns. Each major city has an ombudsman through the Area Agency on Aging who may also provide some advocacy or direction depending on the situation.

Find a support group that meets your needs. It may be a gender-specific or disease-specific group that meets once a month or a listserve that communicates daily on the internet. Many nonprofits have support groups or support phone lines. Friends, family, coworkers and your place of worship can also be important parts of your support foundation. Your Employee Assistance Program at work or the local Area Agency on Aging can help in finding counseling for you and your family.

Keep a list of important phone numbers such as doctors, lawyers, insurers and names of the people you normally talk to at those offices such as the administrative assistants, nurses, etc. Courtesy and patience go a long way with these people. Also keep policy numbers, social security numbers, birth dates and copies of the powers of attorney together and with you at all times. You will need your loved one’s written permission to access their personal health care information.

Take care of yourself physically and emotionally so you can continue to take care of your loved one. Use respite care to give yourself some time off. Look for the silver lining in your experience, not the dark cloud!